did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize