It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
