i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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