I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
