just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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