After last night, I could never be a politician.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
