We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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