You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize