I love black thongs
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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