I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
