i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
