its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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