We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
