forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
