She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
