Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
