i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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