Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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