I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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