i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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