it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone shattered a urinal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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