I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
