I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize