he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
