Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
