fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
