I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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