Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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