my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
