Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize