it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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