ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
