i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's rum buckets o'clock
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
