I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
is it fun? or sober?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
