At least make sure they are 18
Why
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm at about main and main street
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
