I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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