Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
