Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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