I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
