That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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