I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
