operation harelip BJ is a go
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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