There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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