yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
