Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
