i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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