i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
