What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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