he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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