Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
