I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
