I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
