she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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