Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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