apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
