He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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