Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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