JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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