I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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