2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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