Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize