I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
