we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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