Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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