i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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