Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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