Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
