He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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