fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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