Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
