Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
