your parents love me but you hate me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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