When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
