His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So many bounce houses so little time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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