I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
