I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Houston, we have a blender
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
