He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
