Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
