just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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