i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
