why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
